Not suicide, just taking life easy

I’m not going jump off from the tower, I’m not going to overdoes any drug, I’m not going to cut my Wrist, I’m not going to drive high speed against a wall without seatbelt (but I’ve to claim that’s fun if do it with a good music!), I’m not going to burn myself with gasoline, not drowning too, I’m not going to turn on my car in the garage with the doors closed, I’m not going to headshot myself (I don’t have a gun), I’m not going to lock myself in a very cold place, I’m not going to hug a high voltage wire, not hanging myself too, I’m not going to jump in front of metro, train or a car in highway…! no! I’m not going to suicide!

From day to day lots of dreams comes to our minds, good and bad, happy and sad, some fantasy and some imagination, some questions and some ideas and lots of other… well…, I think I’m a human too so some stuff spin around my head too, they never end, they go unanswered and still new ones comes to the list.

So, let me share one of them with you, questions are related to each other, so don’t take just one and judge:

What if I take life easier and don’t go to work anymore? Yeah it will mean no more income, so I would not have money for internet, food, meds, entertainment etc.

What if I take life easier and stop my course? Nothing will happen, even it will have some good that I don’t want to say here now.

What if I take life easier and don’t pay for my internet? It will be boring at first, but I think I will get used to it.

What if I take life easier and don’t take meds anymore? I don’t think if I will die quickly, but I don’t leave ugly after a heart-attack / apoplexy, so I would rather die after stopping meds rather than heart-attack!

What if I take life easier and don’t go to shop anymore? Yeah I will run out of food and most likely die because of hunger.

What if I take life easier and don’t afraid of death? Life will be happier, some may think I’ve become crazy, I don’t mind

So what if I die? It has pros and cons!

–Pros: I would not have to take anymore s*** in my life, I would not have anymore problem, my family and friends would not have to listen to my complains anymore, I would not live with the wishes that I never can accomplish, one less person wasting oxygen in the world, less food is being eaten in the world, my family can throw out my stuff and they will have more space!

–Cons: I cannot think of any, maybe my family and some friends will miss me for a few days, but “Beneath the stains of time, The feelings disappear” so time will heal this one.

These are part of the stuff that comes into my mind and go, some come back and some not, Some of them are always by me, when I’m walking alone and listening music, when I’m having shower, when I’m in class, when I’m in bed, when I’m doing homework, when I’m having dinner, when watching a movie… and they bother doing my everyday task, I try to get rid of them but they don’t want to go away, specially after every failure they get worse, but I will find a workaround for it.

Anyway whatever I said here is just some stuff around my head, not an announcement.

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. Omid Farhang

    Well, that title certainly got MY attention!! :-0 Glad to know these are things you are not actually considering, Omid. We all have shit to deal with in our lives, but, we cannot let them defeat us! Consider them a challenge and be determined to come out victorious! Never give up hope! You are so young, still and have your whole life ahead of you. I know, these are all tired clichés, but, true, nonetheless. Some days may look hopeless, but, this feeling usually subsides and, to quote another old cliché: “Tomorrow is a new beginning.” Saw a photo of you and your friends at school, where you looked so happy. 🙂 We all need that “happy place” to think of when those dark moods strike. Hang in there, my friend. ((HUGS))

  2. Omid Farhang

    Oh my Omid, that just breaks my heart, its so sad to see a young person feeling so lost and hopeless. Please don’t let them defeat you! Even a small victory each day is worth so much. There are more “cons” in your life than you realize, I think there are more people along your path in life that you need to “touch”, it will happen in its time. You never know what is right around the corner, dont give up. Find a place of contentment, and go there when you need to, remember that people love you, you are important even when you don’t feel you are, and give life a big kick in the derriere! ♥ya

  3. Omid Farhang

    what if you cash in Your chips then realize you had only Just Begun Your Life_ What is worth having Is Worth Waiting & Working For_
    unless we are born with alot of Money_ life is about working to get to a degree of
    Comfort and happinss in our Lives_ Nobody I know at Your Age_ 23_ was succesfull_ without the effort of working to get there’ either thru school , On the job training
    Or both’
    Life can be Happy, but you have to work at Being Happy with yourself First”
    your 23- smart, good personality, & you have what it takes_ However My friend you Have to want it bad enough to get it_
    We are Here for you_ for what that is worth” thats more than Alot of people have- plus You do have your personal family_ think Of Sara_ what does this say to her??
    🙂 this is For you” My friend_ Hugs 🙂

  4. Omid Farhang

    Been where you are… It gets better bro.

    Have a listen:

    Times of Grace – Hope Remains

    Crushed by the weight of your sorrow, there is nowhere left.
    Trying to fight the might in the darkness, and weaken all love.
    But it’s hidden from your face.

    Seeking to find the path you should follow, breathe in peace,
    Surrender yourself to the hopes of tomorrow. Surrender.

    It is always in your spirit, this world is yours!

    Hold on to faith, hold on to love,
    Hold on to who you are.
    You’re not alone, don’t lose sight,
    We will rise above.

    We are the breath of life,
    Our hope remains.

    In these times of grace,
    A sacred life we must embrace for generations to come,
    As we break down the ways of ourselves.

    Look in my eyes, open with passion, and the spirit I’ll follow, until the rest of the sun.


    We are the purpose, undefeated.
    Carve your name in the face of today.


    [Chorus x2]

    Hold on the faith, hold on to love.
    You’re not alone, don’t lose sight.
    Our hope remains.

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